5 reasons why you may struggle to show up/communicate (explained through Astrology & Human Design)

You would think as a Gemini that I’d be really good at communicating… 

Most days I am.

There are times however when even someone with the gift of gab can have trouble speaking.

This is where understanding the nuances of Astrology & Human Design really helped me make some sense out of this paradox.

There are so many reasons why I struggle sharing my thoughts with the world sometimes (or as often as I’d like to).

Let’s explore some of them together in case this is helpful in validating your own experience.

Reason 1: Is it Mercury Retrograde? 

If you’re a Gemini or Virgo (Sun, Moon or Rising) this is something that will affect you more than other signs (my tendency during these times is to look inward - I get more quiet & introspective & often begin speaking up again once Mercury goes direct, which is NOW! This happens for about 3 weeks 4 times a year).

Here are the Mercury Retrograde dates for 2024 in case you wanna look back on the last few months in preparation for the next cycle (you know, Virgo things...)

• April 1–25, 2024: Mercury will be in retrograde in Aries 

• August 5–28, 2024: Mercury will be in retrograde in Virgo and Leo 

• November 25–December 15, 2024: Mercury will be in retrograde in Sagittarius

Reason 2: Saturn is in Pisces until May 2025

If you’re between 27 & 31 years old, you may be going through this too… For anyone who isn’t aware, I’m going through my first Saturn return, & WOOF, it’s been a doozy. I’ve actually been thinking about recording an entire Youtube video about it. I’ve even considered doing an instagram live to discuss it & give others a chance to ask questions. Let me know if you’d be interested in one or the other & I can do my best to accommodate.

Saturn in Pisces means that Saturn is in a square to my Sun & Mercury.

Saturn is the planet of limitation, maturity, restraint & discipline. It’s basically threatening my personality, outward expression & desire to communicate with a whip lol

Thankfully I’m in the second half of this 2.5-3-year process, so I’m now beginning to make sense out of the seemingly unnecessary chaos & suffering I experienced since March 2023. Very eye-opening process.

I have this placement natally, so outward expression is already something I struggle with naturally, this is just a double dose of it. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel though, I can see it!

If you have Saturn in Pisces, you're going through your Saturn return, if your Saturn is in Aquarius you're post-Saturn return, & if it's in Aries, you're pre-Saturn return - please reference the dates below for details:

Saturn in Aquarius: March 2020 - March 2023

Saturn in Pisces: March 2023 - February 2026

Saturn in Aries: February 2026 - August 2029

*Of course we have to account for the retrogrades... Saturn will enter Aries on May 24, 2025, and stay there until it retrogrades back into Pisces on August 31, 2025. Saturn will then be in Pisces until February 13, 2026. 

Saturn may be affecting your speech if it’s in your 3rd whole sign house (if you’re a Capricorn rising), or if Saturn is aspecting your Mercury (like me).

Reason 3: Could it be past life trauma?

Now this is a big one, & more vulnerable of a share than I usually put out. I do believe though that anyone interested enough in reading what I put out deserves to know what some of my past lives have been like, especially if you’re putting your faith in me to guide you on your journey, or at least lead you in a certain direction. 

Hmm… where to begin?

I had a spontaneous remembrance 2 years ago, during eclipse season of course (things are always weird around that time) of being brought forth into the town’s square & put on display - as a traitor to the church - for everyone to see. My crime was speaking the truth, & I was brutally executed for it, in front of hundreds of people. This wasn’t a typical execution… they didn’t use a guillotine or an axe, but a sword, & it wasn’t a beheading either… I’ll spare you the details. I have my suspicions around who I was & what I shared, but I like to keep these things to myself until I’m absolutely certain - I can only speculate given the quiet intuitive voice & the very loud & visceral re-living of the process of dying a strange & painful death (That I can describe in excruciating detail).

I’m sure you can imagine, what this can do to someone’s soul. So, as a consequence, I think long & hard before sharing my thoughts, but Saturn has helped me realize when it’s important to gather the courage to speak up & when it’s best to stay behind the scenes. This is a lesson I’m still working through. Of course this is only one throat wound I’m addressing, the witch wound is deeply ingrained in many of us & maybe one day I’ll get into all the lives I’ve had where I was killed by the church for witchcraft & heresy. This is a common experience for anyone entering the world of spirituality & beginning to question the status quo.

Reason 4: Is Saturn trying to tell you something?

Harkening back to the process of making sense of what’s unfolded over the last year & a half… if you’ve had an astrology session with me, you’ve seen me use many versions of your chart (Natal, Transit, Solar Return, Saturn Return, etc). Apparently, the same can be done with Human Design charts (not sure how I missed that tbh). The lovely Nameh (gorgeous human I met recently) brought this to my attention during an interview. Check it out!

Nameh pulled up my Saturn return chart, & lo & behold, my profile (what I call conscious & unconscious mode) shifted from 4(social)/1(researcher) to 2(genius)/5(heretic) 🤯

Whether you wanna call it truth telling or heresy, that’s what I was executed for during the Inquisition. Sharing something that hadn’t been available to the world yet & being punished for sharing my genius. Wow, okay we’re really getting somewhere with this breadcrumb.

What is Saturn trying to tell YOU? I'd love to know! 👀

Reason 5: Where is your Mercury? 

Mine is in Gate 12 (sometimes referred to as “The Gate of Caution” in Human Design).

So according to what Astrology says, I’m supposed to be a brilliant witty speaker…

lol & some days I am.

This is because Mercury is at home in Gemini (& Virgo).

So why am I struggling to put words to my thoughts???

Well, nuance. In Human Design, it depends WHERE Mercury is in Gemini/Virgo.

Unfortunately for me, Mercury is in detriment in Gate 12. 😔

This is the literal keynote: 

“Mercury in detriment - The desire to connect with others, but the inability to do so effectively due to a lack of communication skills or social awareness. For example, a person who is lonely and isolated, and who feels like they are not heard or understood by others.” 

This is heartbreaking for someone whose entire conscious mode (4) is to socialize & be part of a network of people! Welp…

So to summarize all the jargon & seemingly contradictory information above… 

The way I would explain this in layman terms:

Mercury is at home, but home is also a construction zone right now (literally & figuratively lol), so even though I don’t have to worry about a random roommate I don’t really like leaving their dishes in the sink, I still have to deal with the noise that comes along with the process of renovating a house.

So...

In terms of communication, we’re learning balance between when it’s best to speak & when not to (thanks to Saturn - this may look different for you depending on what’s happening in your chart - I’d be happy to take a look if you want - the best way to keep my attention is to book a session). 

Stick around for the next blog post to read about how I overcame this achilles heel & made the best out of these circumstances!

This is a picture of me in Ibiza (May 2024), taking in the ancient waters of Atlantis (now the Balearic Sea) - with no idea what was about to unfold over the next 4 months...

More soon 🩷